leafboy
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Celibate one year
Star this Commitment
Week 49 of 52
leafboy commits to:
No p*rn consumption
No masturbation
14
34
Last reported: Success
Next report due:
May 20
4:00 AM GMT
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My Commitment Journal
 leafboy
May 16, 2024, 2:53 PM
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Just following up with my last post, I have not vividly visualized the amino acids, but I have taken some notes on amino acids, classifying them on polarity and acidity, and determining their structure under a certain pH environment. Its been a bit over a week since I played video games, watch TV, or used YouTube recreationally* (well, in all honestly I have used YouTube for studying and watched three videos with Bhalo and Raj). Although, I find myself being bored quite often, I do think it has been healthy for me. It feels like I am fighting against old wiring patterns. Like even earlier this morning, after dropping off ma, I was somewhat tempted to boot up a League game and watch some YouTube content. Then I remembered the commitment I made to myself and stopped myself from any of those. I read some of Plato's Republic while drinking chai and listening to some background music (with YouTube). Then after reading briefly, I internet surfed a bit on the topics on Christianity's perspective of relationships men and women, reading some bible verses about the topic, and spending some time on the Semen Retention reddit forum on the topic of glow. After doing that, I went back to reading more on Plato's Republic, finishing book III. In the middle of reading book IV, I decided to journal this entry. Several thoughts went into me deciding to write this post. I suppose to vent out some things that are still in my mind. Of course, to acknowledge the impulse I had to game. But also acknowledging my being shift, change when a woman is brought into my little world. Yesterday me and Bhalo decided to eat at Cracker Barrel and then head on down to the library. During our lunch, I glanced over at a female waitress named Taylor and I was thinking to myself, her face is beautiful. I am not sure if we made eye contact in that exact moment. I do remember in another moment, we did make brief eye contact. I have some guilt in admitting I did check out her behind later as she was walking away. I noticed how it was flat, and taking note of her body and assembling the impression this person is a hard working woman with masculine features yet her face had a vibrant, feminine quality to it. In the middle of our meal, she came over to our table and commented on my McDonalds shift and asked if I worked at Mcdonalds. I said no, my mother does. Then she replied with how that was her first job and how she didn't like it. And then the three of us began talking for a brief period of time. I don't want to be arrogant in saying the reason she came over to talk to us because she found me attractive. She in fact just seems to be an outgoing person. I saw her attending to a table of what seemed to be an elderly couple and engaging in conversation with them that seemed to not pertain to the script of what they would like to order. However, I do want to note about how I feel my being change or shift. Why does this woman having a conversation with us alter an inner motivation for the conversation? Do I want something out of her?... My mind went blank after that question. Breathing helps with sexual desire. I think it curbs the appetite or redirects it elsewhere. I am noticing myself do deep nostril inhales and controlling my exhale. I suppose the question for myself is what do I want to do with this sexual desire. I know its not going away. It will come up again, especially if a moment like this comes up again. According to the semen retention forums, people say its better not to waste your semen and to direct that energy towards your purpose. For right now, my biggest goal is to do well in my studies and build my body. However, what should my response be when this situation comes up again? For one, assume she is not interested in having sex with me. Why? Because if I operate with this assumption, then interacting with her becomes more pure and not clouded with other intentions from my end. But this begs the following counter point. Aren't you just suppressing your innate sexual appetite? I don't know. I think the next time this situation comes up, if needed, to remind myself that this woman is not interested in having sex with me. I want to be pure and real with people and not obtain something from them by being manipulative. |
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leafboy
May 13, 2024, 11:46 PM
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| Before I go to bed, I need to visualize myself drawing each amino acid, naming them, then categorizing them as polar, non polar, and acidic or basic. Give them their respective codon letter and their respective PKA. | |
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leafboy
May 13, 2024, 11:44 PM
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| As it so happens, the mcat section in Khan Academy covers essential biochemistry knowledge. If I can master these concepts within a week then I feel a lot more comfortable doing well in my class. | |
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leafboy
May 13, 2024, 11:23 PM
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It seems in biochemsitry, the most important thing to master first is rememvering all 20 amino acids, their structures, and their pka values. Not only knowing their pka values, but what does their pka value mean. Okay, what are amino acids. Amino acids are essentially the building blocks of proteins. Each amino acid consists of an alpha carbon (A carbon that is bonded to a carboxyl group, an amine group (A nitrogen with a lone pair), and an unique R group. The variability of the R group is what really differentiates the amino acids. Well what is the r group? (ooh a picture showing all the different side chains would do justice in explaining this concept) But basically the R group stands for rest of the molecule and it is essential to remember the rest of the molecule for each amino acid. Each of amino acids are categorized too by their CHARGE, H bond ability, and acidity/basicity. Charge can be divided by polar and non polar. Non polar and polar can be classified by whether they are hydrophobic or hydrophillic... I don't want to make this a place to dump biochemistry knowledge. |
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