triis11
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Zero - caffeine, PMO, hookups, hook...
Star this Commitment
Week 14 of 14
triis11 commits to:
Zero - caffeine, PMO, hookups, hookup apps, reddit, youtube, vimeo, tabacco .
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No more reports due
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My Commitment Journal
 triis11
December 7, 2021, 8:10 PM
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| Did well the last week to avoid tinder and hook-ups. I flirted with girl who I still had her number from Tinder and was ready to hook up but in the end told her I wasnt down. Through this challenge, I started allowing MO to take the edge off and I believe it can be healthy. Going forward though I want to stop those two to increase motivation for actually getting a girlfriend and also because my self-esteem (for reasons I still don't know) goes up dramatically when I don't MO. Overall this was a great challenge that finally broke my coffee/caffeine addiction. After forcing myself to quit, it was immediately obvious how much clearer my mind was - longer attention span, better planning, increased memory, etc. I think if I pair this with regular exercise, nutrition, self-esteem-building activities, positive psychological habits - gratitude, mindfulness, avoiding fantasizing, and good relationships it will give my brain optimal conditions to grow. Overall, I am EXTREMELY happy with how the challenge progressed. I accomplished so much in the 90 days it is ridiculous - beat my caffeine addiction, proposed without caffeine or other substances and significantly conquered fear of speaking in public, solved skull correction issue with the new array, submitted F31 revision, STOPPED FANTASIZING!!, went through tony robbins program - defined goals, what I want in life (blueprint), and a plan to get there. TR program helped me stop fantasizing and using tinder. Also allowed myself time to actually use tinder and found how unenjoyable it was. Overall this was a great challenge. I may want to do one more big one for PMO and sugar. | |
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triis11
December 1, 2021, 2:02 AM
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| Rationalized downloading tinder when drunk to celebrate getting all the data collected for the R01 response and finishing the data collection of the paper. I told myself I would not count it and it was a way to get it out of my system - letting myself enjoy it as much as I wanted until I wanted to quit (like overweight girl I hooked up with who had eating disorder). I did enjoy it for 1-2 days and kept the app for a record of 5 days before deleting it. I deleted it not out of shame but out of the clear observation that it was dragging my down - it dragged down my focus, it hurt my wrists and shoulders, I didnt actually want to meet up with any of the people on the app (even the attractive and cool ones), it got me in a mindset of objectifying women, it was triggering to PMO. It was lowering my self esteem, confidence, health, and focus below the levels they would need to be too meet someone I truly cared about. For that reason I deleted it and do not think I will miss it. I overall made a mistake in rationalizing my vacation back home and celebration from work to use shitty vices. Next time I will celebrate with something more constructive like food, exercise, hiking, reading, etc. | |
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triis11
November 23, 2021, 2:06 PM
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| Stuck to my goal this week during what used to be a really really stressful period where I would use of lot of substances to cope. Tackling the problem (getting data together in 3 days for a R01 grant) was sooo much easier with a sober mind, less distraction and good sleep. I am also proud of myself for completing these tasks without any coping mechanisms and feel like I grew a lot more because I succeeded in this stressful period completely sober. It is a great example of experimenting with what happens when you remove safety behaviors and face the anxiety producing thing head on to see if it is really that scary and even warrents these behaviors. | |
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triis11
November 17, 2021, 5:34 AM
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| Felt amazing this week after eliminating distractions and turning phone off at work. Figured out skull correction main issue. Downloaded bumble on Friday as this was the last weekend to find someone to go on date with. This somewhat backfired as I found people both interested in dating and interested in hookups which led to a lot of fantasizing. Felt lower sense of self esteem as soon as I downloaded the app. Went to party on Saturday night and on walk home downloaded tinder and hooked up with someone I will probably never see again. It was very fun and exciting but if I could I would have prefered just to go to sleep. I dont know why I throw this challenge out the window when drunk. Next two weeks I will finish strong. | |
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