menu
Expert Word
Welcome to the stickK Expert Word
What's Really Going On With Your Recent Graduate?
By Michael Felberbaum   View more articles by this author
  Add a Comment    |    Bookmark and Share
November 10

I hear from a lot of parents that their recent graduate or college student is not motivated or that he is just lazy.  Does it seem like your child just wants to watch TV and hang out with her friends?  Maybe at your kid’s age, you not only had a job and your own house, but were married and had 3 children.  So how do you get your “unmotivated graduate” off the couch and on the road to his life?

 

In most cases, laziness or lack of motivation is only a superficial explanation for a “failure to launch.”  Because it’s a superficial explanation, it’s not particularly useful for the purpose of understanding behavior and making real change in the life of your child.  So, from my perspective as a coach, laziness is almost never the real cause of why your recent graduate is home, waking up at noon, eating tater tots, and watching DVDs at 3pm.  It may look like laziness, but it’s probably something else.  

 

In terms of engaging recent graduates and helping them to move on, it’s important that you shift the conversation from laziness to the bigger picture. At its root, laziness is a choice: for example, your child might allow present comfort (watching tv) to outweigh financial considerations (having no job).  Sometimes that might be a really good choice, and other times it might not feel like a choice at all – it just seems automatic and part of a routine.  I find it constructive to explore why someone makes that choice, especially if they’re doing it consistently.  If your son or daughter has a real aversion to discomforts – perhaps big ones like rejection or failure – then watching TV starts to look a lot less like laziness and a lot more like avoiding failure or rejection, which is something that can be addressed.  Your child could also be depressed and lack the energy to make any changes herself.  The question is how to engage in a productive dialogue as a parent, a friend, or a coach.

 

Let’s face it, if we’re all really honest (parents and kids alike), most of us will admit that we are, to some degree, lazy.  Nearly all of us like to take a load off, put our feet up, and procrastinate tasks that are difficult or onerous.  We might be lazy about cleaning or cooking or fitness, or something else that seems like a really useless chore.  For parents worried about their child’s apparent laziness, I encourage you to create a genuine dialogue using non-threatening communication and a little benefit of the doubt.  I recognize this can be extraordinarily difficult since there may be years of entrenched patterns of behavior and lots of “baggage.” To challenge your child’s beliefs and create a new dialogue, you as a concerned parent may start the conversation like this:

 

“Dave, I see that you’ve been home for 8 months now, and you’re doing a lot of the same things you did in college: going out, watching movies, eating tater tots.  I was expecting you to find a job by this point and I haven’t seen resumes going out or interviews coming up.  I’m starting to get concerned that we might not see this situation the same way.  I know you’re not lazy, so what’s really going on?”  

 

Of course, any parent who wishes to try this approach would want to put it in their own words.  The point is to redirect the conversation from one about the child’s qualities (i.e. laziness, motivation, fear) to the big picture of expectations.  As a parent, this can be an effective way to gauge where your child is in the process and how he or she is seeing the situation.  They may respond by saying any number of things:

 

  1. I’m not finding any interesting jobs -- there are none available.
  2. I don’t know what I want to do.
  3. I am getting to it, leave me alone.
  4. Why are you always pestering me?
  5. Can we talk about this another time?

 

As a parent, the important part is to make any of these responses okay and to work with it.  In any case, simply asking an open-ended question like “I know it’s not laziness, so what’s really going on?”  tends to shift the dynamic.  The conversation has moved from an accusation of laziness to something else – a true dialogue.  From my perspective as a career coach, many recent graduates simply have too many ideas of what they might do and are unsure of where they fit in.  They are frustrated because they do not have a good “mental model” in which to think about their career.  It’s not comfortable or easy to talk through these challenges: it requires parents, friends, and others who are supportive and will take the time to listen without prejudice.  A genuine dialogue can be a great starting point for both you and your child to move forward in a new direction.

  Add a Comment    |    Bookmark and Share

Comments

Post Message
Dena01
Dena01
October 20, 2020, 5:57:41 PM GMT
My name is Riana from USA i want to testify of a powerful spell caster who return my ex boyfriend,it all started when i took his phone and saw a lady message him that she enjoyed the last time and i confronted him about it he was angry and and stop talking to me from that day he started acting strange then he told me he didn't want me anymore that he loves someone else i was so diver-stated i cried all day and night he blocked me from his Instagram and on phone so i couldn't reach him anymore this made me sad and cry even the more i was searching for something online when i saw a comment about Priest Ade  great work i contacted him and told him about my problems and i did everything he asked me to do he told me after 24hrs my ex will return back to me well i doubted him though because my ex didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore the next day to my greatest surprise he called me and was begging me to give him another chance now we are both happy together all thanks to Priest Ade he can also help you contact below ancientspirit [email protected]� �or ancientspiritsp [email protected] < br />https://priestade. blogspot.com
View video on YouTube https://youtu.be/ky8 QtXoIaDI

WhatsApp: +2347059715465 
michealpan123
michealpan123
October 20, 2020, 11:05:05 AM GMT
I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met
two weeks ago, wisdomspiritua [email protected] I cannot say everything he has done for me my wife
left me 3 years ago left with my kids I was going through online
when I meant this wonderful man's testimony online I decided to
give it a try and my wife is back to me now and we ar1e happily
married again cause is too much to put in writing all I can say is
thank you very much am very happy .and does alot of spell
including Love Spell
Death Spell
Money Spell
Power Spell
Success Spell
Sickness Spell
Pregnancy Spell
Marriage Spell
Job Spell
Protection Spell
Lottery Spell
Court Case Spell
Luck Spell etc. In case you need his help contact him on this email
address wisdomspi [email protected] om he is a good man
thanks.whatsapp number +234813 648 2342
aprilhorn148
aprilhorn148
October 18, 2020, 12:07:58 PM GMT
EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER DR JUMBA 
I want to use this great opportunity to thank Dr.jumba  for helping me to get my boyfriend back after 3 months of breakup. My boyfriend broke up with me because he seeing another girl at his workplace and told me he is no longer interested in me and left me in pain and heartbreak. I was searching for help on the internet and I saw so many good talks about the great spell caster Dr. Jumba and I contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 48 hours and i am so grateful to him for the good work he did for me, that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him because dr. Jumba is a very kind and trustworthy person. Contact him now on His email : Wiccalovespelltools@ yahoo.com or whatsapp: +1 (908) 517 4108
 blog : https://wiccaspel ltools.blogspot.com/   WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.w ordpress.com     
jaccylamber0
jaccylamber0
October 3, 2020, 12:35:37 AM GMT
My ex-boyfriend dumped me 8months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me .I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. once again thank you Dr Godday you are truly talented and gifted. Email: Goddayspiritualhome@ gmail.com is the only answer. he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man contact +19194956404 - WHATSAPP ONLY

stickK Expert Word

   Career
   Diet & Healthy Eating
   Education & Knowledge
   Exercise & Fitness
   Family & Relationships
   Green Initiatives
   Health & Lifestyle
   Money & Finance
   Sports, Hobbies & Recreation
   Weight Loss
+
Server IP 10.0.0.173
Portal Id 0
User Id 0
Unix Timestamp 1732359529
Current Timezone GMT
Server encoding: utf-8
Assets folder: https://static.stickk.com/yii-assets/dcbc9e4e
Payment Type PRODUCTION
Your feedback has been sent. Thank you!
This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Read our Privacy Policy
Loading...