menu
Expert Word
Welcome to the stickK Expert Word
What's Really Going On With Your Recent Graduate?
By Michael Felberbaum   View more articles by this author
  Add a Comment    |    Bookmark and Share
November 10

I hear from a lot of parents that their recent graduate or college student is not motivated or that he is just lazy.  Does it seem like your child just wants to watch TV and hang out with her friends?  Maybe at your kid’s age, you not only had a job and your own house, but were married and had 3 children.  So how do you get your “unmotivated graduate” off the couch and on the road to his life?

 

In most cases, laziness or lack of motivation is only a superficial explanation for a “failure to launch.”  Because it’s a superficial explanation, it’s not particularly useful for the purpose of understanding behavior and making real change in the life of your child.  So, from my perspective as a coach, laziness is almost never the real cause of why your recent graduate is home, waking up at noon, eating tater tots, and watching DVDs at 3pm.  It may look like laziness, but it’s probably something else.  

 

In terms of engaging recent graduates and helping them to move on, it’s important that you shift the conversation from laziness to the bigger picture. At its root, laziness is a choice: for example, your child might allow present comfort (watching tv) to outweigh financial considerations (having no job).  Sometimes that might be a really good choice, and other times it might not feel like a choice at all – it just seems automatic and part of a routine.  I find it constructive to explore why someone makes that choice, especially if they’re doing it consistently.  If your son or daughter has a real aversion to discomforts – perhaps big ones like rejection or failure – then watching TV starts to look a lot less like laziness and a lot more like avoiding failure or rejection, which is something that can be addressed.  Your child could also be depressed and lack the energy to make any changes herself.  The question is how to engage in a productive dialogue as a parent, a friend, or a coach.

 

Let’s face it, if we’re all really honest (parents and kids alike), most of us will admit that we are, to some degree, lazy.  Nearly all of us like to take a load off, put our feet up, and procrastinate tasks that are difficult or onerous.  We might be lazy about cleaning or cooking or fitness, or something else that seems like a really useless chore.  For parents worried about their child’s apparent laziness, I encourage you to create a genuine dialogue using non-threatening communication and a little benefit of the doubt.  I recognize this can be extraordinarily difficult since there may be years of entrenched patterns of behavior and lots of “baggage.” To challenge your child’s beliefs and create a new dialogue, you as a concerned parent may start the conversation like this:

 

“Dave, I see that you’ve been home for 8 months now, and you’re doing a lot of the same things you did in college: going out, watching movies, eating tater tots.  I was expecting you to find a job by this point and I haven’t seen resumes going out or interviews coming up.  I’m starting to get concerned that we might not see this situation the same way.  I know you’re not lazy, so what’s really going on?”  

 

Of course, any parent who wishes to try this approach would want to put it in their own words.  The point is to redirect the conversation from one about the child’s qualities (i.e. laziness, motivation, fear) to the big picture of expectations.  As a parent, this can be an effective way to gauge where your child is in the process and how he or she is seeing the situation.  They may respond by saying any number of things:

 

  1. I’m not finding any interesting jobs -- there are none available.
  2. I don’t know what I want to do.
  3. I am getting to it, leave me alone.
  4. Why are you always pestering me?
  5. Can we talk about this another time?

 

As a parent, the important part is to make any of these responses okay and to work with it.  In any case, simply asking an open-ended question like “I know it’s not laziness, so what’s really going on?”  tends to shift the dynamic.  The conversation has moved from an accusation of laziness to something else – a true dialogue.  From my perspective as a career coach, many recent graduates simply have too many ideas of what they might do and are unsure of where they fit in.  They are frustrated because they do not have a good “mental model” in which to think about their career.  It’s not comfortable or easy to talk through these challenges: it requires parents, friends, and others who are supportive and will take the time to listen without prejudice.  A genuine dialogue can be a great starting point for both you and your child to move forward in a new direction.

  Add a Comment    |    Bookmark and Share

Comments

Post Message
Alicialeonard
Alicialeonard
January 19, 2021, 11:38:05 AM GMT
Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellca [email protected] or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

Good day everybody, My name is Alicia Leonard I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman cast a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so I called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problems, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below 
Email: Urgentspel [email protected] or Urgentspellcast@gmai l.com  
Website: https:// urgentspellcast.word press.com/
Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109
larafox
larafox
January 11, 2021, 12:38:10 AM GMT
REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE   :  http://drjumb aspellhome.wordpress .com I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster in a blog I visit for relationship counseling problems because I had been having serious issues with my husband and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed, he was returning my calls, he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it maybe out of desperation ..and I contacted them. At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, their consultations and solutions were a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard, read and heard lots of stories of spell casters and I never really believed in spells ..I played along with a little hope and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle, everything went to a whole new direction, I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that fateful day. I hope they could help other people too like they did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for my husband, my family and my life back their address is; wiccalovespelltools@ gmail.com  Call him or add him on WhatsApp via: +19085174108
kaylamartins
kaylamartins
January 5, 2021, 1:50:24 PM GMT
My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly cared about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the Internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Jumba can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Two days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. My family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Jumba . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his Email:  
wiccalovespelltool [email protected] or wiccalovespelltools@ gmail.com 
website  : http://drjumbaspe llhome.wordpress.com
Whatsapp number and call number : +19085174108
personal blog created by me  dedicated to dr jumba : https://bestexper ience2021.blogspot.c om/
charisrose148
charisrose148
December 31, 2020, 12:21:55 AM GMT
I am from the USA, after six years of marriage with my husband with 3 kids, he suddenly started going out with other women and coming home late, each time I confronted him it turned out to be a fight and he always threatened to divorce me at all times, my marriage was gradually coming to an end. i tried all i could to stop him from his unruly attitude but all proved abortive, until i saw a post in the forum about a spell caster who helps people cast spell on marriage and relationship problems, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this Spell caster Dr.Jumba via email, he helped me cast a spell and within four days my husband came back apologizing for all he has done and promised never to do such again and today we are happily together again. Contact this Great spell caster for your marriage or relationship issues on his contact info.Call/WhatsApp: +19085174108
Email: wiccalovespelltools@ gmail.com
Website: http://drjumbaspellh ome.wordpress.com

stickK Expert Word

   Career
   Diet & Healthy Eating
   Education & Knowledge
   Exercise & Fitness
   Family & Relationships
   Green Initiatives
   Health & Lifestyle
   Money & Finance
   Sports, Hobbies & Recreation
   Weight Loss
+
Server IP 10.0.0.173
Portal Id 0
User Id 0
Unix Timestamp 1730438824
Current Timezone GMT
Server encoding: utf-8
Assets folder: https://static.stickk.com/yii-assets/dcbc9e4e
Payment Type PRODUCTION
Your feedback has been sent. Thank you!
This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Read our Privacy Policy
Loading...