menu
Expert Word
Welcome to the stickK Expert Word
What's Really Going On With Your Recent Graduate?
By Michael Felberbaum   View more articles by this author
  Add a Comment    |    Bookmark and Share
November 10

I hear from a lot of parents that their recent graduate or college student is not motivated or that he is just lazy.  Does it seem like your child just wants to watch TV and hang out with her friends?  Maybe at your kid’s age, you not only had a job and your own house, but were married and had 3 children.  So how do you get your “unmotivated graduate” off the couch and on the road to his life?

 

In most cases, laziness or lack of motivation is only a superficial explanation for a “failure to launch.”  Because it’s a superficial explanation, it’s not particularly useful for the purpose of understanding behavior and making real change in the life of your child.  So, from my perspective as a coach, laziness is almost never the real cause of why your recent graduate is home, waking up at noon, eating tater tots, and watching DVDs at 3pm.  It may look like laziness, but it’s probably something else.  

 

In terms of engaging recent graduates and helping them to move on, it’s important that you shift the conversation from laziness to the bigger picture. At its root, laziness is a choice: for example, your child might allow present comfort (watching tv) to outweigh financial considerations (having no job).  Sometimes that might be a really good choice, and other times it might not feel like a choice at all – it just seems automatic and part of a routine.  I find it constructive to explore why someone makes that choice, especially if they’re doing it consistently.  If your son or daughter has a real aversion to discomforts – perhaps big ones like rejection or failure – then watching TV starts to look a lot less like laziness and a lot more like avoiding failure or rejection, which is something that can be addressed.  Your child could also be depressed and lack the energy to make any changes herself.  The question is how to engage in a productive dialogue as a parent, a friend, or a coach.

 

Let’s face it, if we’re all really honest (parents and kids alike), most of us will admit that we are, to some degree, lazy.  Nearly all of us like to take a load off, put our feet up, and procrastinate tasks that are difficult or onerous.  We might be lazy about cleaning or cooking or fitness, or something else that seems like a really useless chore.  For parents worried about their child’s apparent laziness, I encourage you to create a genuine dialogue using non-threatening communication and a little benefit of the doubt.  I recognize this can be extraordinarily difficult since there may be years of entrenched patterns of behavior and lots of “baggage.” To challenge your child’s beliefs and create a new dialogue, you as a concerned parent may start the conversation like this:

 

“Dave, I see that you’ve been home for 8 months now, and you’re doing a lot of the same things you did in college: going out, watching movies, eating tater tots.  I was expecting you to find a job by this point and I haven’t seen resumes going out or interviews coming up.  I’m starting to get concerned that we might not see this situation the same way.  I know you’re not lazy, so what’s really going on?”  

 

Of course, any parent who wishes to try this approach would want to put it in their own words.  The point is to redirect the conversation from one about the child’s qualities (i.e. laziness, motivation, fear) to the big picture of expectations.  As a parent, this can be an effective way to gauge where your child is in the process and how he or she is seeing the situation.  They may respond by saying any number of things:

 

  1. I’m not finding any interesting jobs -- there are none available.
  2. I don’t know what I want to do.
  3. I am getting to it, leave me alone.
  4. Why are you always pestering me?
  5. Can we talk about this another time?

 

As a parent, the important part is to make any of these responses okay and to work with it.  In any case, simply asking an open-ended question like “I know it’s not laziness, so what’s really going on?”  tends to shift the dynamic.  The conversation has moved from an accusation of laziness to something else – a true dialogue.  From my perspective as a career coach, many recent graduates simply have too many ideas of what they might do and are unsure of where they fit in.  They are frustrated because they do not have a good “mental model” in which to think about their career.  It’s not comfortable or easy to talk through these challenges: it requires parents, friends, and others who are supportive and will take the time to listen without prejudice.  A genuine dialogue can be a great starting point for both you and your child to move forward in a new direction.

  Add a Comment    |    Bookmark and Share

Comments

Post Message
Leonard7
Leonard7
June 27, 2022, 2:13:24 AM GMT
I was able to get eviction, foreclosure, bankruptcy, and liens removed from my credit report with the help of Rootkits Credit Specialist; they are currently the best. They also raised my credit score from 533 to 783, which is a fantastic number, and they did this in less than 11 days. They are the best of them all. They're safe, secure, reliable and fast. Contact them by mail via : ROOTKITSCREDITSPECIA LIST at GMAIL dot COM or via WhatsApp: +18155248116 for quick service at a reasonable cost for all kinds of credit related issues.
FISHER32
FISHER32
June 26, 2022, 6:24:27 AM GMT
I was into some strange situation, where the radiology lab made mistake with their bill and ended up with opened collection account with me. Credit score suddenly dropped 100+ points.
Did some research and glad to find ROOTKITS CREDIT SPECIALIST for help. The communication was straightforward and clear. Everything went as he promised. My credit profile was cleaned up within 5 days, and my score jumped 150+ points afterwards. It was like magic but yes, I had to confirm this by pulling my report on the 3 credit bureaus. You can WhatsApp +1 (626) 514 0620 or ROOTKITSCREDITSPECIA LIST AT GMAIL DOT COM.
Donc9103
Donc9103
June 20, 2022, 4:05:42 PM GMT
My credit has been terrible and all collections are medical. I've been working on it for nearly 2 years. Building up new credit, keeping basically a $0 balance by paying off immediately, and getting rid of a couple collections. But I only was able to get myself up to 563 on TU (585 on Equifax). I read about XAPCREDITPLUS dot Com and immediately contacted them. Today my credits score is 173 points Up and all the negatives and hard inquires have been removed including the medical bill. You can TG via XAPCREDITPLUS.
Adamskevin091
Adamskevin091
June 14, 2022, 5:42:06 PM GMT
My husband was once loving and caring but to a point he stopped and totally forsake me, he wasn’t having time for me because he was having an affair, i was so devastated that i didn’t know what to do. I did love him so much, even when he was still not caring and was cheating i couldn’t leave cause i still loved him, i sorted for help from every where i could to have my husband back, i luckily found Dr Abaka who was helping people out on relationship and marriage issues. I went on and contacted him, i explained what i was going through in my marriage, then he assured me that he would help me, i did all that he instructed me to do and then he told me that my husband would return to me after some days, i waited patiently and after some days passed my husband came home one evening and started apologizing to me to forgive him for how he had been treating me, i was so surprised beyond words that i can’t thank him enough. you can reach him on via Email drabakaspelltemple@g mail.com or Whats-app +( 1 ) 484_820_1518

stickK Expert Word

   Career
   Diet & Healthy Eating
   Education & Knowledge
   Exercise & Fitness
   Family & Relationships
   Green Initiatives
   Health & Lifestyle
   Money & Finance
   Sports, Hobbies & Recreation
   Weight Loss
+
Server IP 10.0.0.173
Portal Id 0
User Id 0
Unix Timestamp 1732441102
Current Timezone GMT
Server encoding: utf-8
Assets folder: https://static.stickk.com/yii-assets/dcbc9e4e
Payment Type PRODUCTION
Your feedback has been sent. Thank you!
This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Read our Privacy Policy
Loading...